


P.S. Handle With Care

by mia2323



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Nanny, Bellarke, F/M, bellarke AU, the 100 au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 02:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4417697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mia2323/pseuds/mia2323
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You have a job.”</p><p>She glanced at Raven as she packed the last of her things into the small car that Raven called Aristotle (it was a long story). “I have a job.”</p><p>Raven nodded and glanced at her over the roof of the car. “As a nanny.” Raven frowned. “Do you even like kids?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	P.S. Handle With Care

**Author's Note:**

> [So, here is my nanny one-shot! I loved writing this and it took some time but I feel like I might add to it in the future! I hope you enjoy it. All grammar mistakes are mine!]
> 
> [Music Inspired: Something I Need by OneRepublic, Home by Gabrielle Aplin and You Are In Love by Taylor Swift]

“So, Clarke.” 

She looked up with a bright smile as she sat up more in the stiff wooden chair. The large office windows behind her caused her eyes to strain when she looked directly at the face of Cage Wallace.

To be honest, she wasn’t exactly sure what she was doing at Wallace Industries but her mother happened to snag her an interview (she didn’t quite know how her mother did this because her mother never left the walls of the hospital she worked at in New Jersey) three days before she even graduated from NYU with a degree in business.

It was a bit nerve racking but like most people around her age, she was out and about in post-grad life.

It was terrifying.

“Yes?”

Cage smiled at her and it reminded her of one of the cartoon’s she used to watch as a child (this was not a compliment). He glanced down at her crisp off-white resume and smiled even more as he laid it down before him. “Your resume is outstanding.” He kept smiling, she tried not to flinch. “But what can you tell me about Clarke Griffin?”

Her mouth opened quickly but no sound came out. She had answered every other question without fail. She even threw in a soft joke but this? This was a question she was not ready for. This was a question that she had no clue how to answer.

She offered a weak smile as she glanced at the face of the man before her. She tried to answer the question again but when her mouth opened not a single word flowed through her brain. 

She felt her throat start to constrict and before she knew it, she was muttering out some sort of apology and running for the door. 

She ran toward the elevators and tried to ignore the looks she got along the way. Her heart was pounding as she pushed the elevator button repeatedly. What kind of question was that? And mostly, who the hell was Clarke Griffin?

She had no idea.

She pushed the elevator button another handful of times and sent a tight glare to the small receptionist who cleared her throat at her. She hit the button another handful of times before the doors opened and she almost cried in relief. 

She quickly jumped into the elevator and once against pressed the lobby button repeatedly before the door closed.

Her mind was clouded as she stepped onto the streets of east 76th street. She sighed as she contemplated her next move. Her eyes went in the direction of the subway she needed to take back to New Jersey but she couldn’t do that. Her mother would be getting off her shift at the hospital and be full of questions.

She couldn’t handle any more questions today or else she might have another existential crisis on her hands.

So, her feet went in the opposite direction as they headed toward the opening of Central Park. A park that made her thoughts lighter as she thought back on the days and days she would spend there with her mother when she was younger.

But once she plopped herself down on a bench she had no idea what to do. So like in most cases when this happened, she called Raven. (Raven did not like that this was often her solution in small existential crises. An example would be the Lexa Woods breakup of 2013.)

“Hello?”

She let out a breath before she replied with dramatic sigh. “Hi.”

Raven yelled at someone else before she said, “How’d it go?” 

“Oh you know, awful. I am a complete and utter failure.”

“Wick don’t touch that – Clarke you’re not a failure.” Raven let out an annoyed breath. “You’re twenty-two and being an adult sucks but you’ll have plenty of opportunities to suck again.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Gee, thanks Raven. I wonder why I called you.”

Raven sighed again. “Okay, come over and we can order pizza and get drunk like we’re in college again.” Raven was quite adamant about telling people she was no longer in college, even though she had only graduated thirteen days ago. 

“Alright.” She paused and felt her insides swirl as they often did when she thought about disappointing her mother. “What am I supposed to tell my mom?”

There was silence before Raven sighed (not in annoyance but in that soft kind of sigh that people often give when they are sympathetic and unsure of what they should actual say) and said, “Just come over. I get off in fifteen. Wick said the pizza is on him.” 

Sitting around and drinking with her best friend and her best friend’s kind of boyfriend (don’t ask) did sound a lot better than going home on the subway all the way to New Jersey just to tell her mother she failed. She cringed at the mere thought.

She mumbled an agreement and ended the call before stuffing her iPhone into one of the pockets of her bag. She felt a frown make its way back toward her face and she thought about the question again.

Who was Clarke Griffin?

She was twenty-two. A graduate from NYU. The daughter of Abigail Griffin and surprisingly super well at Scrabble (this fact isn’t really needed but it made her feel a little bit better about herself). 

She huffed at herself and took a few more minutes sitting in self-pity before she headed off to Brooklyn. 

…

Her mother called her when she was in the middle of her third piece of pizza.

She gave a tight smile to Raven as she ignored the call.

Raven sighed (this was a sigh that was full of annoyance and a typical Raven Reyes sigh). “You can’t ignore your mom forever.”

Wick chuckled. “You do.” 

Raven glared at him before turning her attention back toward her. “Just tell her that you’re not ready.” She shrugged and picked up her abandoned piece of pizza. “It’s understandable. You just finished college, you shouldn’t have to jump right into work.” 

She nodded but still bit her lip at the thought.

“What?” 

She shrugged and tossed her pizza crust at Raven. “You know my mom. She’ll just go on and on about how she raised me and spent night after night working just to save up for me to go to school.” She frowned. “And who knows what strings she pulled to get me that interview.”

There was a beat of silence and Raven picked up the thrown pizza crust and started to bite into it. “Just talk to her. She’ll understand.” 

That idea sounded awful. 

Wick made a strange noise at that moment which caused Raven to roll her eyes and take a loud bite of pizza crust. 

“What?”

Wick glanced at Raven (something he often did but would very much deny) before opening his mouth. “I mean you could find an easy job here in the city. Tell your mom that you got the job at Wallace Industries and when you actually get around to getting a different job, explain to her and tell her that you’re leaving and she’ll never have to know.”

Raven dropped the last bite of pizza crust. “Wow. A degree in chemical engineering and that’s your solution.” Wick glared. “Her mom would totally catch on. I mean she lives with her.” 

“I could find a place.” They both turned to her with uncertain glances. “What? Raven you don’t mind your roommate half the time and Wick, well, I don’t know if you really see the outside of your office.” 

Raven shrugged. “How will you find a roommate in such short notice?” 

“I’ll figure it out.” Clarke offered a weary smile. “Your couch pulls out, right?”

…

Two weeks later and she was still on Raven’s pullout couch. 

She knew she was driving Raven and her roommate slightly insane but she was not giving up and going back home with her mother. 

It was hard though because nowhere was hiring. Some places said she was overqualified, other places said she didn’t have that much experience (she still rolled her eyes at the thought of having to need experience for being a barista at Starbucks on 64th street but whatever). She was getting sick of printing off her resume and she was getting sick of sleeping on Raven’s pullout couch.

She was going through the newspaper, mostly doodling over the crossword puzzle when an Ad caught her eye. She sat up on her bed (couch) and brought the paper closer to her eye.

NANNY NEEDED.  
BROOKLYN.  
SIX YRS. OLD.  
HOUSING  
CALL 212-967-367 IF INTERESTED.  
BACKGROUND CHECK WILL BE REQUIRED!! 

She sat up and without a thought called the number. It rang twice before someone answered with a raspy and grunted “Blake.”

“Hi?” She bit her lip and re-read the Ad again. “I’m Clarke Griffin and I’m calling about your Ad in the paper? The one for the nanny?” 

“Oh right.” The voice sounded a bit more put together. She realized she probably had woken the person up. “Can you stop by?”

She quickly nodded and rolled her eyes at herself. “Yeah sure. When?” 

“Twenty-minutes?”

Her eyes widened and she dropped her pen. “Twenty-minutes?” She looked around the room that was crowded with her boxes. She looked down at her bed for the past few weeks. “Ye-yes. Where should I meet you?” 

He mumbled off his address, thanked her (gruntingly she may add) and hung up. 

She stared at the phone a bit before she fell onto her back and squealed. She might have a job.

…

She knocked gently on the white door with her resume held between her fingers. 

She could do this. It was a nanny position. No one was going to ask her life determining questions or make her fall into a slight post-grad crisis. 

There was a slight movement before the door to the small townhouse opened. She jumped back a bit at the movement and at the sight of a NYPD cop standing before her. She checked the address again before she tilted her head toward him. 

He looked slightly annoyed but brought a hand through his hair as he said, “Clarke?” 

Was she going to be on Nightline? Her eyes widened. “Yes?”

He nodded and opened the door wider for her. “Bellamy Blake.” He gestured for her to come in. “Sorry I had to rush. I just have to get Octavia from school soon and then go to work.” He looked at her a bit sheepishly as she walked past him. “Sorry about earlier. I was trying to get a nap in.”

She nodded and took in her surroundings. She was standing in a small foyer that was graciously larger than Raven’s apartment but not quite the house you would see on 5th Avenue. 

She looked to her left and saw a small living room that was crowded in toys and boxes and she looked forward to see the small hallway she was standing in extend to what appeared to be a kitchen. 

She turned toward the man in uniform before her and gave a soft smile before handing over her resume. 

He nodded to himself and she watched his eyes widen as he probably took in her recent addition: Graduated from NYU with a degree in business. He glanced at her weary. “Uh. I can’t.” He shrugged his shoulders and looked a bit defeated. “I can’t pay you more than two hundred a week but you can stay here, if you want.” 

She glanced around again and saw the stairs leading toward the upstairs floor. Honestly, anything at this point sounded better than sleeping on Raven’s couch or running home to her mother. She nodded her head and turned toward him with a weary glance. “Sure.” She paused and felt a wrinkle form in her forehead. “The Ad said something about a background check?”

His cheeks reddened. “Yeah, you’re good.” She titled her head in confusion and he folded up her resume. “I - uh - I already did it.”

Her eyes widened. “What?” She crossed her arms and stared at him with her mouth slightly open. “Isn’t that like an invasion of privacy? Even for you?” She gestured toward his uniform and watched the sheepish look he had turn into a frown. 

“Look.” He crossed his arms and glared down at her (yes down because he was freakishly tall and super good looking but she wasn’t going to focus on that). “My sister is the most important part of my life and if I’m-.”

“Wait. Your sister is six years old?” He glared and she realized to stop with the questions.

“Do you want the job or not?”

She took in his pestered and annoyed look before she glanced around again at the boxes in the living room. It didn’t take a rocket scientist (She thought briefly to the time Raven yelled at her for calling her a rocket scientist) to realize that this situation was probably new to him. She then thought about Raven’s couch. She thought about the look that would be on her mother’s face if she were to run home this very instant. 

She stood tall and nodded. “I’m in.”

He looked a bit stunned but nodded slowly before walking away and gesturing for her to follow him. He walked into the living room and showed her how to use the remotes for the television (which was probably going to be her downfall) and showed her the boxes of toys and blankets he still needed to unpack. He quickly left the room and headed toward the kitchen.  
“I can leave you some money for groceries.” He opened the fridge and all she saw was a few pieces of lunchmeat and condiments. “I haven’t really had the time.” 

She nodded again and then followed him out of the kitchen and up the stairs. He showed her his room, which wasn’t really much of anything besides a bed and a dresser with a few photo frames hanging crookedly on the wall. 

He showed her the room she going to be having, which was a bit smaller than his but the view was amazing from the window and it was better than a couch. (She almost cried at the sight of a bed). 

And lastly he showed her his sister’ room. It was filled with things and it was a complete mess. Toys, books, clothes and other various things were scattered across the floor. She took in her first project of this whole nanny business. 

She gave him a small smile as she looked around the mess. “So, when do you want me to start?” 

He looked at her sheepishly again. She took in his unruly curls. His dark circled eyes and his scatter of freckles. “Now?” 

…

“You have a job.” 

She glanced at Raven as she packed the last of her things into the small car that Raven called Aristotle (it was a long story). “I have a job.”

Raven nodded and glanced at her over the roof of the car. “As a nanny.” Raven frowned. “Do you even like kids?”

She hadn’t really thought about it. She liked anything that wasn’t life threatening or anything related to Wallace Industries. Plus Bellamy Blake wasn’t that bad to look at. “I like kids.”

“I’ve never seen you with a kid.” 

She sighed as she looked at the crease in Raven’s brow. Sometimes her best friend more often than not, worried about things that simply didn’t need to be worried about. “Raven. I’ll be fine.” 

Raven huffed. “If you say so.” 

She smiled widely then as she jumped into the passenger seat. 

It was nice that she wasn’t that far from Raven. A good fifteen or so minute drive and a total of eleven blocks from the place she knew was a bit more reassuring. And to be perfectly honest she was most excited about not having to sleep on that damn couch any longer (if that wasn’t already obvious). 

Raven pulled up to the house and let out a low whistle. “Not bad, Griffin.” 

She glanced at the brick covered building once again and nodded before she turned to her best friend. She smiled at the intrigued look that often graced Raven Reyes features. “Don’t try to miss me.” 

Raven scoffed but the look on her face gave her away. “I’ll only miss those stupid bagels you get.” She shrugged. “And how when I’m sad you order pizza and Chinese.” 

She smiled as Raven picked at her steering wheel. She reached over and quickly wrapped her arms around the brunette. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere.” She said softly as she pushed their heads slightly together. “And who knows maybe I’ll be horrible at watching kids and I’ll be back before you know it.” 

Raven grinned. “You willingly hangout with Wick. You’re ready.” 

…

She was hanging up the last of her clothes when she heard the front door open. 

She heard the scattering of footsteps and the low murmur of her new employer. She took a deep breath and smoothed out her shirt before she headed down the stairs to see Bellamy right where he said he’d be once he finished picking Octavia up from school.

The girl’s back was to her as she listened to her brother talking about her new nanny in a low tone. 

“So.” Bellamy said in a voice a bit louder once he noticed her reach the bottom step. “Do you want to meet Clarke, O?” 

The small girl turned her head slightly and offered a weary glance before she ran behind her brother’s legs. “No.”

Bellamy let out a slightly annoyed breath as he reached behind him. “Octavia.” 

She watched Octavia peek her head out before quickly hiding back behind Bellamy’s leg. Bellamy called out her name again but it sounded softer, founder even. 

Without really thinking, she crouched down so she was eye level with the six year old. “Hi Octavia.” She glanced up to see Bellamy tilting his head at her. She widened her eyes at him and shrugged before she continued. “I’m really excited to play with you.” She bit her lip as Octavia continued to hide behind her brother. 

So maybe she wasn’t cut out for this. What was she going to do now? She was probably going to get fired and then she’d be homeless and then – she looked to see Octavia peeking out again and staring at her as she continued to tug on her braid in thought. 

She looked at the hazel eyes before her and then down toward the braided hair wrapped around her fingers. She smiled a bit more reassuringly. “Do you want a braid?” 

Octavia hid behind Bellamy once more but only for a moment. She then started to come out and around her brother with a hesitant look on her face before she nodded and pointed to her simple ponytail. 

She smiled and gestured for Octavia to walk closer toward her as she stood up. Without much work, she turned Octavia away from her, pulled out her ponytail and started on making a small fishtail braid. After her work was done, she pulled lightly on the braid and watched the young girl turn around with a smile.

“Looks good!” She finally turned to see Bellamy with a strange look on his face. Octavia turned toward her brother and started to jump a bit before she ran into the living room.

She turned her attention back toward Bellamy as she stood up to see him shake his head and cough before reaching into his pocket. “Here’s some money for groceries or whatever.” He handed her his credit card before shoving his hands back into his pockets. “She usually plays for awhile and then takes a nap around three. She’ll let you know if she needs anything.” 

“Alright.” She nodded and crossed her arms. 

Bellamy had a weird look on his face as he cleared his throat. “I wrote everything else out on the counter for you. Like her schedule and my cell and work number.” He paused. “Well you already have those but can’t be to safe and all.” She smiled slightly as he awkwardly swayed on his heels. “Alright, well it’s my first day back at work so if you need anything you’ll be able to reach me because I’m on office duty for awhile.” 

She wanted to asked why but decided to keep that to herself. 

Bellamy glanced at her again before he gestured toward the living room. “I’m going to say goodbye and then get going.” 

“Sounds good.” She shoved her hands into her shorts as she followed him into the living room. Octavia was reaching into a box and pulling out a few toys, not really caring about what her brother was saying to her. 

Bellamy said his goodbyes and glanced at her wearily before he finally left.

Octavia continued to play as the sound of the door echoed throughout the house. This wasn’t going to be that bad.

…

“I’m not tired.” 

She glanced around the even messier bedroom with a tired glance. So far being a nanny wasn’t that bad. Grocery shopping had been easy and when they got home, Octavia played pretty well by herself and didn’t ask anything that would cause someone to have an existential crisis (thank god). 

However, Octavia was very, very sure that she did not need a nap despite the fact that it was almost four in the afternoon. 

“I see.” She glanced around the room with a fake yawn. She didn’t think as she plopped herself down onto the twin sized bed. 

Octavia narrowed her eyes and placed her hands onto her hips. It was slightly terrifying how much the six year old resembled her brother (and the fact that someone in their twenties had a six year old sister still made her brain hurt but like whatever). “What are you doing?”

She closed her eyes and felt a real yawn make its way out of her mouth. Maybe she was more tired than she realized. “Taking a nap. I’m tired.” She peeked an eye open and watched Octavia way her options before she jumped down beside her on the bed. 

“Just for a little awhile.” Octavia said in a voice that could only be described as youthful. 

She yawned and felt a small body press against hers before she fell asleep.

…

When she woke up the room was dark and she was alone. 

Her eyes widened as she scanned the room before bolting upright. She rubbed the sleep quickly out of her eyes before she walked out of the room. She listened in the hallway for a brief moment and heard the sound of something falling and breaking onto the floor.

She quickly ran down the steps and followed the sound of feet into the kitchen.

Her eyes widened as she saw Octavia pick up a butter knife covered in peanut butter off of the floor. Her eyes widened even more when she saw Bellamy smirking from his spot at the small kitchen table. 

She was so fired.

“Hi.” She mumbled out and brought a hand to her hair (she was not the best looker after sleep; Raven told her this often) and offered a tight smile.

“Hey.” Bellamy said in a voice that was rough and deep and definitely not attractive. “Octavia woke up and wanted to make you dinner.” She tilted her head as she heard Octavia chuckle to herself as she smeared a lot more jelly than necessary onto a piece of wheat bread they had gotten from the store earlier. 

“Is that so?” 

Octavia nodded and held up a sandwich that was more jelly and peanut butter than bread. “You slept for so long. I feel’d like you’d be hungry.” She giggled slightly to herself. “Bellamy‘s always hungry.” She smiled wide and held out the plate more. 

She smiled and nodded as she reached for the plate and took a seat beside Bellamy. It was kind of weird but it was also nice. She couldn’t remember the last time she sat around a dinner table like this. 

Octavia giggled more before she made her way into her own seat. 

She ate her sandwich and smiled as she watched Bellamy reach over and cut the crust of Octavia’s sandwich before eating his own. 

She looked down and finished her meal (which was mostly grape jelly than anything else) with a smile.

…

Bellamy was taking a shower (she did not think about it) so she worked on getting Octavia into bed for the night. After a somewhat messy dinner, she helped Octavia take a bath and then placed her into a pair of Frozen pajamas that she had to wear.

“Alright.” She said as she smiled and watched Octavia make herself comfortable in the bed that looked even larger with such a small body in the center of it. “Goodnight, Octavia.” She flicked off the light and went to reach for the door to go to her own room.

“Wait!” 

She sighed and turned back around, holding the door open to bring in more light from the hallway to shine onto the small face looking back at her. “What’s wrong?” She was tired, even more so from her nap and she was dreaming about the bed that was waiting for her. 

Octavia sat up a bit but it was clear to see that she was actually quite tired herself. “Will you be here in the morning?”

She tilted her head at the question but nodded slowly before saying, “You bet. Bright and early.” She smiled and went to shut the door again only to hear another _wait_!

“Yes, Octavia?”

Octavia was already on her back, half asleep but smiled at her. “I had fun today even though you slept a lot.”

She snorted a bit but found herself smiling softly. “I had fun today, too. Get some sleep.” 

She watched Octavia finally close her eyes before she shut the door. 

She let out a breath and turned to her own bedroom but stopped when she saw the door to the bathroom open. Bellamy came out in a pair of basketball shorts and nothing else. Her face felt hot as she thought about the tank top and cat covered pajama bottoms she was wearing. 

“She asleep?” 

“Yeah. Out like a light.” 

Bellamy nodded and ran a hand through his wet hair. He was about to say something but whatever thought he had, died on his tongue as he took in her sleepwear. “Nice pants.” 

She scoffed but felt her face heat up as she made her way into her bedroom. His laughter filled her ears as she closed the door.

…

She was not a morning person.

And she would never be a morning person.

Ever. 

She groaned when she felt small persistent nudge on her nose. It took her brain a few minutes to even wake up before it took in the small voice singing into her ears. “Five more minutes, mom.”

The poking on her nose continued but this time with a soft laugh. She forced her eyes open and was face to face with a giggling Octavia. She lifted up her head and glanced at the clock on her end table. It was a little bit before six-thirty in the morning. She groaned and lifted her comforter over herself and over the small body pressed into hers. Octavia laughed louder. 

“It’s time to get up!” 

She forced her eyes to stay closed and groaned as her sleepy mind went over the paper Bellamy left her yesterday. Octavia didn’t have school for another hour and a half but she was probably used to a certain schedule.

She groaned (did she not mention she wasn’t a morning person?).

She took a deep breath before she forced the comforter off of her face. “I need coffee.” 

Octavia giggled and sat up quickly before bouncing off to her room. “I can get dressed myself!” 

She took a few more minutes (ten to be exact) before she begrudgingly got out of bed. She yawned and pouted before making her way across the hall, only to see Octavia in a red skirt, a pink tutu and Elsa t-shirt. She tilted her head. “What are you wearing?”

Octavia rolled her eyes like it was obvious. “My favorite things.” 

She found herself waking up more as she took in the appearance. She laughed and after a few complaints (most Octavia), Octavia was in a pair of jeans and her Elsa t-shirt. 

She dressed herself quickly and managed to get Octavia some breakfast. She smiled a bit into her cereal as she saw the work schedule Bellamy had put up onto the fridge. He was already at work but he had written, Octavia Time, after every work shift. It was kind of annoyingly cute.

He also doodled a small map of how to get to Octavia’s school (again, quite annoyingly cute).

By the time they reached the sidewalk, they had twenty minutes to get to school. Octavia’s hands were on the straps of her backpack as they headed down the sidewalk. 

Octavia seemed to jump with excitement for every step she took. 

“You like school?” 

Octavia nodded. “Coloring is my favorite.” 

She laughed as brought her coffee tumbler toward her mouth. (Seriously, she was not a morning person). “Do you have any friends in class?” 

Octavia thought about the question before she shrugged and kicked at a rock. “Not really.” Her voice was soft and her small lisp made her ‘really’ sound like ‘willy’. “I’ve only been there a few times.” 

She thought about the boxes around the apartment. She should probably clean those up after dropping Octavia off. “Well, do you play with anyone?” 

“Ms. Harper plays with me sometimes.” 

“Is that your teacher?” 

They came up to a crosswalk and she was surprised that Octavia actually stopped at the red hand; then again, her brother was a cop. “Yeah! She likes coloring with me.” 

They started walking once the small red hand flashed white. “She does, does she? I like coloring too.” 

Octavia’s soft laughter filled her ears and she spoke about lots of things as they reached the front steps of her school. Octavia frowned slightly as she turned toward her. 

She crouched down and brushed some of the bangs out of Octavia’s eyes. “What’s wrong?” 

“Are you picking me up today?” 

She frowned herself in slight confusion before and nodded with a bright smile. “Yes ma’am.” 

Octavia’s forehead wrinkled but she nodded slowly, taking in her words. “Sometimes mommy forgot to get me.” She paused and the wrinkle in her brow grew deeper and made her look like an old woman. “Will you forget?”

Her heart slightly sank at the words. She thought about her own mother, who she was purposely avoiding and she thought about the young six year old who clearly is already caring the burden of her own mother for reasons she didn’t quite get yet. 

She poked Octavia’s nose and hoped her smile was as heartfelt as she felt. “You bet. I’ll be right here at eleven.”

Octavia’s forehead smoothed out and a childish grin adored her face. “Okay.” Octavia quickly wrapped her arms around her and giggled into her ear before she yelled her goodbye and ran up the stairs.

She waited until the Captain America book bag disappeared from view before she turned around. 

It was almost eight in the morning. She was going to need a lot more coffee.

…

“She’s a mess.” 

“Raven.” She spat out as she watched her best friend narrow her eyes as Octavia stood before them licking at an ice-cream cone. “She’s six.”

Raven huffed as she lowered her sunglasses back onto her face. 

It was a Friday afternoon and after school she decided to take Octavia to Central Park for the day. Raven begrudgingly (even though she smiled a lot on the subway ride over) came as well. 

“Well, she’s getting ice-cream all over herself.” 

She shook her head and snapped a few photos of Octavia as she giggled into her ice cream. She had officially been working for the Blake’s for two weeks now and she was slowly falling more and more for the young girl who sung Disney songs all day and insisted on taking naps with her in the afternoon. 

She was learning more about Bellamy Blake, too. She knew that he worked third shift on Monday and Wednesday and the rest of the week was normal with Saturday’s off. She knew that he drank his coffee black and that whenever he could, he would read Octavia stories before she fell asleep (this mostly occurred on Thursday’s and it was totally not something she purposely stood in the hallway to watch). 

She was becoming a part of them in ways she didn’t really understand that well but she enjoyed more than anything.

She loved that Octavia laughed when she was happy and she loved spending her time with the Blake’s. It was comforting and it was strangely one of her favorite things that she didn’t know she needed.

“Have you talked to your mom yet?” Raven turned her head toward her and even though she had sunglasses, she managed to lift a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. 

She had texted her mother a few times but that was it. She also shut down the idea of her mother coming to visit. There was no way that was happening anytime soon. “Sort of.” 

Raven rolled her eyes and looked back at Octavia. “Look at her. Do you even know how to raise children?” 

“Leave us alone.” She bit a smile as a large chunk of ice cream fell onto Octavia’s shoe. 

Raven rolled her eyes but there was a smile on her face, too. “She’s a mess.” She shook her head and stood up from the bench they were sitting on, waving her hand at Octavia. “Alright Pocahontas. Let’s get you cleaned up.” 

Octavia giggled in return.

…

She was cleaning up the kitchen Wednesday night when she heard the front door open. 

She tilted her head and glanced at the time on the microwave before she headed down the hallway. It was barely ten o’clock, which meant Bellamy shouldn’t be home.

Yet as she walked down the hallway and flicked on the light, she saw him kicking off his shoes. 

“Hey?” She had a dishrag in her hands and she played with it before she took in his spaced out look and the blood gracing his uniform. “Bellamy?”

He finally seemed to realize he wasn’t alone. He took a deep breath and brought a hand through his hair. “Is Octavia upstairs?” 

“Yeah.” She took a few steps closer. “She fell asleep awhile ago.” She watched him nod as he glanced up the stairs. “Are you alright?” (The look on his face was one that would stick with her for years.)

He broke his gaze from the stairs and glanced at her with a sad, distant look in his eyes. He headed toward the stairs. “I’m just going to go check on her.” 

She watched him walk heavy up the stairs. She debated with herself before she thought better of it (it happened quite a lot) and headed up the stairs herself. She walked toward Octavia’s open door and watched Bellamy sitting beside her on the small bed. She bit her lip as she leaned against the doorframe and watched Bellamy smooth Octavia’s hair behind her ear.

She smiled at the sight but she took in Bellamy’s appearance again and bit her lip. “Did something happen?” Her voice was surprisingly soft but she still glanced to make sure Octavia hadn’t woken up. 

Bellamy was quiet for a few minutes but he slowly nodded before he shifted his gaze away from Octavia. “I saw some things today that I’ll never be able to forget.” 

She crossed her arms and took in his slightly bloody uniform once again. “Did you get hurt?” She was surprised at the swarming amount of concern that filled her. He shook his head and glanced down at his uniform himself. “What happened?” 

“A little kid.” His voice was thick. “He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.” He brought a hand up to his mouth and looked like he was suppressing a cry in his throat. “I watched him get hurt. I watched him-.” He stopped but she understood.

She couldn’t imagine what he was feeling. The mere thought of anything happening to Octavia caused her to feel sick. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear then outstretched her hand. “Come on.”

She walked down the hallway into the small bathroom. She took a few breaths before Bellamy came into the small space alongside her. She dropped the dishrag still in her hand and reached for a fresh clean towel to run under the water. When she turned around Bellamy was pulling off his uniform. She chewed on her lip and brought the towel to his blood stained skin. She ran it across his arms and felt her hand shaking as the towel started to become red. She looked up and saw him looking down at her with a look she couldn’t quite place.

“I-.”

“Clarke?” 

She turned her head to see Octavia half asleep in the doorway. Her hair was frizzy all over and she rubbed at her eyes with her palms. She glanced at Bellamy before she looked back at the younger Blake. Octavia didn’t need to see her brother like this. “Hi. Why are you awake?” 

Octavia’s lips turned into a small frown. “I had a bad dream.” She dropped her hands from her face and noticed her brother for the first time. “Bellamy?” (It was still made her heart feel things when Octavia pronounced Bellamy like, “Bellwamy”.) 

She turned and watched Bellamy’s eyes snap toward his sisters. Without much as a word, he scooped up his sister and disappeared from sight. 

(She only saw him again that morning when she was going in to wake up Octavia. The siblings were wrapped around another and she couldn’t find it in her to wake either of them.) 

…

It was officially summer. 

Which meant that Octavia was no longer in school so days were longer and as much fun as it was to sit at the park and eat ice cream, Octavia was growing a bit restless. 

So, on a Thursday afternoon Octavia was at her first ballet class. Octavia smiled the entire time she danced around the room. Her small belly and pink tutu made anyone with eyes stop and smile. 

She bit back her own smile as Octavia waited patiently at the instructions her dance teacher was giving them. 

“Which one is yours?” 

She turned her head to a man about her height smiling at her. She smiled sheepishly and pointed out Octavia who was currently spinning in circles. “The surprisingly tame one.” 

The man laughed and stuck out his hand. “Monty Miller.” After she shook his hand he pointed at a girl who was smaller than Octavia. “Maya is mine.” His smile was wide and within minutes they were talking about almost everything.

She learned that Monty and his husband, Nathan, had adopted Maya when she was six months old. She also learned that Nathan was currently in Afghanistan. 

“It’s hard some days but we get through it.” Monty said with a smile that looked happy and sad. “Only thirty-five more days.” 

She nodded. “Bellamy is a cop.” She watched Octavia leap into the air. “It’s hard sometimes but when he comes home it’s like -.” She heard Octavia giggle in the distance. “Like the sun comes out.” 

“How long have you guys been married?”

She twisted her head so quickly she felt like she snapped it. She pictured Bellamy’s laugh for a moment and how often than not, she was on the receiving end of it. She pictured the three of them sitting around the kitchen table, never in silence. She pictured her everyday life and how much she loved it. 

“We’re not married.” She somewhat forced out. “I just – I’m -.” She froze. She didn’t want to say she was just the nanny because she didn’t feel like she was just the nanny. She loved Octavia and she felt more than just a nanny to the Blake’s. But she didn’t say that. She offered a small laugh as she told Monty that she was the caretaker of Octavia and not the mother.

It didn’t feel right when it left her tongue.

…

She was in the middle of binge watching Doctor Who when the front door opened. She didn’t bother getting up but soon enough, Bellamy’s head was in the doorway.

“Hey.” She said without tearing her eyes off of the television (she had a serious Doctor Who complex and she was take anyone down who said David Tennant wasn’t the best doctor). “Octavia’s sleeping at Maya’s tonight.” After watching Rose Tyler and the Doctor embrace, she noticed that Bellamy still hadn’t said anything. She turned her head and looked up to see him smirking at her. “What?” 

Bellamy shrugged and she took in his casual look of jeans and a gray t-shirt, he obviously changed at the station. “Hungry?” 

She noticed the bag in his hand then and watched him walk down the rest of the hallway until he was in the kitchen. 

She begrudgingly got up from the couch and made her way into the kitchen to see Bellamy starting to fry oil on the stove. “What are you making?” 

He turned to her with a grin. “Lumpia.” He continued to dance around the kitchen and she found herself sitting at the small table watching him move around. She never saw him like this really and it was strange and pleasing to see him being so domestic. 

When he was finally done and placing the egg roll like food in front of her she smirked. “So what is this?” 

He got himself a few rolls before sitting across from her. “It’s a Filipino dish.” He blew on the side of his egg roll. “My uh- my mom used to make it for me when I was little.”

She took a bite herself and as she practically groaned at the taste (honestly it was that good) she thought about the subject of the Blake mother. Octavia didn’t talk about her much and Bellamy never mentioned her until today. She took another bite before she said, “Why’d your mom have Octavia--.” 

The question went unasked. 

He finished one of his rolls before he cleared his throat. “She had a rough start at life.” He wasn’t looking at her. “She had me when she was fifteen. It was hard but we – I made it work.” He took another bite of a roll and she found herself doing the same. “I moved out when I was eighteen, joined the force and started to take night classes all on my own.” He shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “She was strung up and when I was twenty she was pregnant.” 

Her throat clogged up. 

“You know when drug addicts have babies they usually rate them. One being a bit addicted and ten being close to fatal.” He was looking at the table. “Octavia was a thirty.” 

It was quiet for a few seconds and she could hear the water dripping from the faucet. 

“I remember looking at her and being in so much pain because I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t do anything but look at her and take in that she probably wasn’t going to make it through the night.” A soft smile graced his features then. “But she did. She’s a fighter.” 

She thought about Octavia and her small smile. “She is.” She lamely supplied as she watched him continue to look at the table.

“She had to live with my mom for awhile there but mom couldn’t shake the drugs.” He looked up at her then and she saw so much in the man before her. “So here we are.” 

She nodded. “Here we are.” 

He smiled at her still. “You take good care of her.” 

“So do you.” 

He chuckled a bit and his smile turned into a smirk. “I guess that makes us a pretty good team.” 

Her smile stayed the rest of the night and she found herself laughing at everything he said.

…

When she was in the middle of Central Perk with Octavia and Raven at her side, she ran into her mother.

Her stomach turned and she let out a relieved sigh as Raven took Octavia to get ice cream. 

She held her breath and made her way toward her mother who was dressed in a pencil skirt and a blouse. “What are you doing here?” 

Her mother was still watching Octavia skip away toward the ice-cream stand a few yards away. “I had a conference downtown.” She turned her attention back toward her then. “What are you doing?” 

She ran a hand through her hair. “Mom.” She sighed. “I’m – I can explain.”

Her mother folded her arms and looked the way she had looked when she told her that she didn’t want to go into the medical field; the way she looked when she asked why her father wasn’t around. 

“I’m waiting, Clarke.”

She nodded her head quickly. “I have a job.” She supplied quickly. She thought about the last text she had sent her mother, telling her about the day she had at the office. “It’s just not at Wallace Industries.” 

“I gathered that.” 

She took a deep breath. “I’m just – I’m watching Octavia and it’s a great job and I -.”

Her mother let out a laugh. The soft wind causing her hair to flow around her. “So as you play house I’m getting lied to?” 

“Mom that’s – that’s not it.” 

“How is any of that not lying to me?” 

She struggled to look at her mother then (this was often when her mother looked as upset as she did now which the last time this occurred with April of 2009). “It’s not lying to you. I’m trying to find myself mom.” 

“College wasn’t finding yourself? Putting me in hundred of thousands of dollars in loans hasn’t helped you find yourself?” 

She cringed. “I just didn’t know what I wanted to do, mom.” 

Her mother shook her head. The look she gave her was one that she wished she was never on the receiving end again for. “Come find me when you do.” 

She stood in the same spot as she watched her mother walk away from her. It hurt and as tears filled her eyes, she felt a small hand slip into hers. 

…

The house was dark when they got back. 

She gentle took off her shoes as she heard Bellamy lock the door behind her. She walked into the kitchen and saw Raven and Octavia asleep on the couch. She smiled and flicked off the television. Bellamy covered the two with blankets before he met her in the kitchen.

His tie was hanging loosely from his neck and she was in one of her favorite dresses. 

It was Bellamy’s annual work party and he had asked her to come a few weeks ago. She remembered the way he had casually asked her as she had a toothbrush between her lips (she had gotten a few pieces of toothpaste on her shirt before she said yes). 

The night was light, easy and fun. She had laughed with his friends and she danced to beautiful music beside him. It made her heart feel funny things and it made her face itch into a permanent smile. 

She braced her hips against the counter and watched as he pulled a beer from the fridge. He took a gentle sip and looked at her with a smirk (she was falling more and more for his smirk). 

She turned toward the ground and spoke because she didn’t have enough courage to speak to him face to face. “So, why didn’t you introduce me to anyone as your nanny?” 

She heard him take another sip and drop his drink onto the table. She still wouldn’t look up, not until his feet were directly in her line of sight, causing her to look up. “Because you mean more to me than that.” He paused and she felt her heart hammering in her chest. “You mean more to us than that.” 

She wanted to say so many more beautiful words back to him but nothing felt right compared to what he had said. She leaned in and kissed him. 

(When he kissed every part of her she could ever imagine hours later, she couldn’t even form a single thought)

…

She was fixing Octavia’s hair into a bun when she finally noticed the small girls slight frown. She lowered herself onto the ground and turned the small ballerina around. “What’s up, buttercup?” 

Octavia, who looked older with all the makeup on her face, continued to frown as she played with her tutu. “I’m scared.” 

She reached and tucked some fallen hair behind her ear. “Of what?” Octavia kicked at the ground. “Dancing in front of everyone?” She mumbled an agreement. She smiled and flared out the small tutu. “I think you’re gonna go out there and be amazing. All of us are out there wooing for you.” 

“What if I mess up?” 

She shrugged. “Won’t matter.”

“Promise?” 

She nodded quickly and leaned in and kissed Octavia three times on the cheek before she stood up. “See you out there, alright?” 

She was walking out of the small dressing room before she heard a soft _wait_. 

She spun back around and watched Octavia smile. “I love you.” 

Her heart fluttered around in her chest. “I love you too.” 

Octavia giggled and she turned back toward the other small ballerinas beside her.

She smiled at the sight before she made her way back into the hallway where Bellamy was waiting for her. She took his outstretched hand as they headed into the auditorium.

She smiled at Raven and Wick bickering together. She smiled into her seat at the sight of Monty and Nathan together holding up signs for their daughter. She smiled at Bellamy as he kissed her neck when he sat down next to her. She found her smile widen even more as she watched her mother take the seat next to Raven (it wasn’t perfect but it was getting there). 

As Octavia took the stage and waved at them all, she thought about the question Cage Wallace had asked her all those months ago. 

Who was Clarke Griffin? 

She was a lot of things and she was still trying to figure it all out but mostly she was loved and she loved in return.

It might not be enough for Cage Wallace but it was enough for her.


End file.
